Thursday, April 3, 2014

Permissionless, wild, and free.

I'm pretty sure this is Banksy, please correct me if I'm wrong!
Hello wild and crazy world. I've had one hell of a 2014 so far and it's finally turned over to a new start... or at least a hiatus before a new start.  I've had 6 flu bugs since January, and one week long trip in the hospital with a kidney infection. Through all this I had a very stressful work situation which last month culminated in me handing in my notice and making a trip to head quarters to gain the support of higher ups, which I did, was completely empowering and also so very difficult, emotionally and physically.  I missed my last weekend of work last weekend with another and the worst of my terrible bugs, but awoke Monday with a strange sense of "wow, I just don't CARE anymore." (see all the f--ks I gave )
Months of stress and anguish finally melted away. It wasn't "relaxation" so much as freedom.  My intuition told me to quit back in January, but I promised my partner Matt I would do everything to find a replacement job first. However, when the nightmares wouldn't stop and neither would the immune flare ups he agreed there was no other way then to just cut this part of my life out. (I've already lost an excess half a stone in old stress weight since quitting :D )
I loved my part time job. Getting back out in the world, finding a reason to get pretty every day and being around people and being helpful and useful was extremely rewarding after working at home for 3 years.  Having a "steady" paycheck was so great too. I could actually make plans to travel and see friends and family, and for all of that I am hugely grateful for my job, even if it ended in a less than ideal way.

I have had Rapunzel's reprise stuck in my head on repeat since Monday as well :



Spring in Windsor

While it is spring in England I'm not quite ready to roll around in the mud yet... but I'm hoping this song means that one day very soon I'll be out there running and dancing.  I'm still recovering from this last bug but I'm slowly getting pieces of real life back together again.

I have no idea what the future looks like. Right now I'm struggling to imagine a life possibly without my own children or struggling to live paycheck to paycheck ... but I know that isn't a reality because the future is just mist.  Staying in the present moment is the best ... truly the only way to live life. A great reminder is that what we worry about isn't what happens anyway... something unexpected will always find a way to disrupt your world, for better or worse! So I try to keep that in mind and live right now as if the best case scenario is about to unfold.


One great trick I love for living in the present is the idea "Dress for the Part". There is a spiritual law that empowers a person by allowing him or her to prepare himself for what he wants. If you were already where you wanted to be, what would your house look like? What would you wear? How would you hold yourself? I try to live this by respecting my house as best I can and being extremely grateful for what I have even though of course I want some things to be different.  I want to show the universe I respect the things I have so I can welcome in more.  I dress comfortably, but I am clean and I do my hair and make up even if I'm in bed all day because if fate comes knocking at the door I want to answer with pride.

Respect your life. Show up the way you want the world to show up for you. Personal Responsibility has been the greatest tool of empowerment I have learned on this journey. It doesn't mean you do everything on your own, it means you are your greatest advocate.  As I was just saying to another friend, Help is always out there. It probably won't come from the people or places you think it should, but keep your eyes and heart open and you will find the help you need in wonderful ways. This applies to all situations, not just health problems.

Just 6 more months until I am 30. I love the idea of being in my 30's. I embrace it and I'm excited.  What do I want to accomplish before then?  Right now I just want to be happy. :)


PS Here are the last Crew pieces I put together :D





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