Last year around this time, my motto was "stay the course". Batten down the hatches, hold on tight, practice what you know, and wait for the storm to pass. The storm has passed. I have settled into calmer waters. And now it is time for me to float for a while.
I'm having another one of those periods of great energy and happiness. I still struggle with my ego and what I "Should be able to do!" and my limitations, but I remind myself of how far I have come and how I am steadily still moving forward on my recovery and I remind myself... just float... like a leaf in a stream.
My life in a nutshell at the moment : I'm working afternoons during the week at a retail shop. Yes, my Master's degree is still yelling at me about this. But baby steps!!! I have managed to make enough money to book a trip back to the USA for Thanksgiving to finally introduce the love of my life (my angel and the man who saved my life!) to the rest of my family. I also finally am re-building a wardrobe that has gone nearly threadbare after a year out of a suitcase. I also finally have a little spending money to take myself out to lunch once in a while and buy a bottle of nail polish. It's the little things!!!
As last time I wrote, I am still not able to spend much energy on my more creative persuits. I still love spending lots of time looking at others' artwork, but for myself it just hasn't gelled. I'm going to be ok with that for a while, even though part of me is like "WHHHYYY the world thinks you are wasting your talent!!!!" . For now I'm like "shhhh. I'm floating on an elephant."
(This amazing piece done by ittybittynidhi )
I read a great blog from a 20 something who had quit her job to find her real creative potential. She was frustrated that her first few months were spent doing things that made her "happy" and then realized "Hey Alfie, this IS what it's all about." And it reminded me that even though I haven't written/drawn/painted my magnum opus, I need to let there be some time and space around the fact that I had an international move (twice in the last year!) and met the love of my life and was brave and ready enough to do those two things. Day to day its easy to lose that perspective, but in the grande scheme of things.... it's kind of a wow, and I'm willing to give myself the space around that to soak it all in.
Hope you all get to float on elephants soon too.